I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
