So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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