I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dicks are not precious.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
