I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
