tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
