That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
