sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize