You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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