38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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