just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
