This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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