Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
