She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
