Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize