I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
