i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize