Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
