He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
