we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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