hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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