a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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