Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
