My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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