Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
