sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
