I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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