she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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