Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
