I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
