whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
