Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
