I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
