I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
