you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
