Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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