Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
