my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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