her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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