A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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