So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
