Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
