I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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