I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
