Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
