just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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