I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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