I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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