oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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