I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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