Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
