We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
