nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
