its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
