where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
