...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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