Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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