STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
