OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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