I accidentally burped into my bong.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
did you just send me my own nude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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