i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
