if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
