im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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