wanna go halves on a baby?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
