My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
