He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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