I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
