i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
