This girl is more easily done than said...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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