got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
