can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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