if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
