You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
