Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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