so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
