Swine flu is the new snow day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
