Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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